Obama's Visit to Warrensburg, Missouri

President Obama is planning a visit to Warrensburg, Missouri, on Wednesday. Of course, this means that most residents in this very conservative town are protesting. Oh, but they're too lazy to protest. Mostly, they just write shit on Facebook and repost this ridiculous rumor:

The rumor is that Obama is coming to Warrensburg for the sole purpose of freeing Ziyad Abid! For some reason, this makes so much sense to the Warrensburg conspiracy theorists. So much, in fact, that everyone is in a tizzy, trying to make this a national case!

Here are the FACTS.

FACT. President Obama is coming to Warrensburg, Missouri to speak about the economy. Why? Because Missouri, including the University of Central Missouri, is part of an Innovation Campus initiative. This "offers accelerated degrees in high demand fields". UCM has been in partnership with Lee's Summit R-7 and other Missouri colleges and schools to start and develop this program, and it's pretty revolutionary. What's so great about an accelerated degree? Well, shorter time in school means less loans, and more time working and making money! (WOW!)

But no, there's not reason enough for Obama to come to Warrensburg.

FACT. Whiteman Air Force Base is a mere 15 minutes from Warrensburg. To the public's (and this author's knowledge), Obama has never toured Whiteman Air Force Base, home of the B2 Bomber. Hmm.... B2 Bomber... sounds familiar. Oh yeah, that's because they just went to North Korea to show off what we got in case we had issues with them...

But no, there's still no reason that Obama would come to Warrensburg.

Oh, but the Facebookers have it alllllll figured it out! He's coming to save Abid. Yeah... cause being a former Harvard law professor, he has no regard for the law.. (oh, the comments I'm going to get for that one!). Oh, and of course, Obama is Saudi Arabian... oh wait, that's not right. BUT he's MUSLIM AND BY GOD YOU CAN'T DISPUTE THAT, right?

Jesus. This entire thing is so ridiculous. Everyone is so worked up, thinking that Obama is going to storm the Johnson County jail and unlock Abid himself!

QUESTION. Why would Obama want to commit political suicide by springing Abid?

Answer: He wouldn't.